We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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