I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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