its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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