i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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