so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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