I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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