No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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