Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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