i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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