Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
