Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
