I just saw a hot homeless man
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
