I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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