the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
