I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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