Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
