I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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