that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize