M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
