For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
