I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
