Your dad touched me again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
