i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
