My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
