Sry I called you an 8
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
