ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
