Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize