I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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