it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
