He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
