idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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