Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
