It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
