What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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