Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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