im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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