I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize