hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
