got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize