Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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