Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No I am not eating basil off your cock
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
