I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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