went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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