I have demons in me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
