maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
