I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize