There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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