So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
