I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
