I will die if light touches me.
Please, let me fuck your mom
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
