respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
