Don't make out with my wife yet
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize