I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
