Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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