Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
