the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
