I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
