Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
