So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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