Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
