Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
