we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
